Reaching for Love

How I've been coping with my grief since I learned of my sister's passing and what its taught me about the world:

1. Breathing into my heart. Every morning I imagine the faces of the men who waited too long to call 911, scared of getting in trouble.
   
   The anger I felt was haunting my dreams - they were violent.
   
   I picture their faces; I breathe them into my heart; I cultivate compassion; I send them love; I send them forgiveness; I pray they find their way.

2. Conscious movement. Every morning, I take time to move my body with a gentle lovingness. I move for them; I move for her; I move for all the people without the safe space to take vulnerable positions and let their nervous systems unwind.

3. I recite the Hoʻoponopono prayer. An ancient Hawaiian prayer of forgiveness and reconciliation.
   
   I am sorry... Please forgive me... Thank you... I love you

Every morning as I walk my dog, I breathe into my heart. I see myself at the young age of 26; I see my sister. I recite the prayer until my tremors still. I seek to forgive myself; I seek to forgive her; I seek to forgive them.

Some of you may be reading this thinking: “How could you forgive or send love to such people?” Or, “what's the point here, Talya?”

As a dear friend reminded me as I furiously sobbed at the unjust nature of her death, "They are already in hell."

This softened me. I couldn't help but imagine what brought them to that place, what life circumstances they may have had, and what it would be like to live with an addiction ravaging themselves and those in close proximity.

This brought my anger to tears. I wept for them and was reminded of the lesson my sister gave me, which brings me to #3.

💞 Love is unconditional; without conditions, it means everyone is deserving.

My mentor says, Danielle LaPorte, "nothing leaves you until you love it."

We need change. The system is broken, and anger is an entirely understandable response.

But anger doesn't move us to change; it's not as powerful a catalyst as love is. Recall Martin Luther King Jr. and his profound teachings:

Let no man pull you so low as to hate him.

Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.

We must learn to live together as brothers or perish together as fools.

We must develop and maintain the capacity to forgive. He who is devoid of the power to forgive is devoid of the power to love. There is some good in the worst of us and some evil in the best of us. When we discover this, we are less prone to hate our enemies.

Man must evolve for all human conflict a method which rejects revenge, aggression and retaliation. The foundation of such a method is love.

The often valid anger we feel will not bring us the solutions that liberate us from an existence enmeshed in scarcity, in not having or being enough.

Like all judgment and hate, it sends the other deeper into their positioning as they build a wall and perhaps even weaponize their tools to protect themselves and what they know so well. And isn't that just so human?

We must find the love in what this system has provided for us, to allow the gratitude for what has worked to get us to this technologically advanced place that positions us well to do better, to harmless.

From a place of love, solutions become abundant, readily available, and, most importantly, actionable. We realize that though this system harms us, we make the system, and therefore the system is ours to change.

We reclaim our power and sovereignty.

Because how many of you been miserable? Be honest.

Feeling the pang of not doing more.

Feeling guilt about not contributing more to society or the environment to spending quality time with loved ones.

Always thinking if "I only just get here," then "I'll finally be happy."

How many of you have wished for change but felt too overwhelmed by the do-do-do society that says "business is business" - as if it's unchangeable?

So I leave you with this - how can you be more loving today? At work? At home? With yourself?